


Slow steps

by Marianne9



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Cas is protective, Dean is himself, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, M/M, deanxcastiel, english is not my native, m/m - Freeform, nothing is really happening in this, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24055795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marianne9/pseuds/Marianne9
Summary: Dean comes home from a hunt when Castiel visits him and they must talk about something that happened in the past.Or the one where Cas plays hide and seek and Dean is an angry kid
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Slow steps

He crossed the corridor of the bunker with long, tired steps. His face and hands were covered in dried, deep red blood stains, his shirt smelled like death. The fingers of his right hand still held onto the handle of his blade so convulsively like he had to be ready to fight again in any moment.

He opened the door of his room, and the grip on the blade has loosened as he saw his unmade bed. He sighed deeply and thought _I should take a shower_ , but some kind of ancient, elemental tiredness took over him. He knew that he won’t even have the time to kick off his boots before falling asleep.

With this thought he took the last two steps to the bed where he put the blade on the nightstand, then took off his shirt. He had a black undershirt wet with sweat and blood under it, tightly covering his sore muscles. He stretched a bit, that was when he felt the stinging pain around his right shoulder blade. He touched the skin there, his fingers dipped in fresh, hot blood. _Shit._

Sam weren’t home, it would be hard to clean the wound for himself, and Castiel… Well, he did not need Castiel’s help, thank you very much, so he needed to solve this problem by himself. He got some antiseptic, cotton and some thread with a needle, then showed his back to the bathroom mirror to try and disinfect the short but deep cut. He tapped the antiseptic into the wound with a piece of cotton, then started to stitch himself together with the waning moon-shaped needle.

After ten minutes he threw the needle next to the sink after mis-stitching four times. The cut started to hurt more and more, and he knew he won’t be able to stitch it for himself. He should go to the hospital, _I hate hospitals_ , he hated the demon who wounded him, hated the cut on his back and he hated everything, everything that brought fear, pain and grief everyday into their lives. _Just a cut._

‘Dean.’ Dean sighed long and deep and kept the fuggy air in his lungs for a few moments before exhaling with a low moan. He did not turn his face to his company.

‘What do you want?’ The question is short and sharp, cutting through the thick air between them, not like the angel’s quiet, ethereal voice as he called him by his name.

‘Let me heal you’ stepped Castiel closer and he already was raising his hand to the wound when Dean hit the hand away roughly. He stepped back and took the needle in his hand again, trying to prove that he can handle the situation by himself just fine. He knew very well that he won’t be able to deceive the angel, but he just couldn’t seem weak in front of him. ‘Dean…’

‘Stop saying my name, Cas! What are you doing here?’ His voice is almost hysterical, but at the same time longing and trembling with want.

‘Let me heal you! You are not able to stitch this for yourself’ Castiel looked at him like the fact that Dean is wounded would hurt him too.

‘I asked what are you doing here, Castiel! I don’t need your help’ He wasn’t looking at the angel, he was afraid of eye contact, he would surrender but he doesn’t want to.

‘I brought news about Sam’ sighed Castiel. His shoulders fell forward, his face elongated, his hands were hanging beside his body helplessly. ‘He is in Iowa, burning up a vampire nest.’

‘Thanks. Next time you meet him tell him to call me sometime to talk about where he is instead of messaging with you. And now I go to sleep.’ Dean threw the needle again and went to his room just as he was, with a bleeding cut and dirty clothes. He sat on his bed and waited for the angel to disappear.

‘Dean…’

‘For heavens’s sake Cas, just leave! Is it really this hard to notice that I’m not interested in your company? You come here to heal me and to deliver some uninteresting message from my brother like nothing happened, and you expect me to small talk with you? Tell me what the hell do you really want or leave, but don’t say my name again or I swear I’ll throw you out!’

‘Why don’t you look at me?’ asked Castiel quietly and then Dean raised his tired, foggy eyes on him. The angel was standing in the corner, his messy, black hair pointed everywhere, his eyes had a lack of shine, his trench coat covered his body wrinkly and dirty. Dean hid his worrying moan behind a cough.

‘We have nothing to talk about and you know that. It’s very kind that you popped by, but I don’t know if it’s clear that I am not interested in you’ he said knowing that he’s hurting the angel. He could’ve said something more hurtful too, but his brain was not cooperating. To be honest he did not want Castiel to go. He wanted him to heal his wound with his warm, soft touch, then cover him with his black, rustling wings while he sleeps. Cas was in an awful condition, he saw it, but even like this he wanted him, he wanted to go closer and hug him – but he just couldn’t.

‘You are lying Dean, there are things to talk about’ sighed Castiel and Dean suddenly wanted to hit instead of hugging, he felt an awful urge to hit the angel in the face, to hurt him, to wound him, to kick him, and when he couldn’t bear it anymore, he would kiss him harshly and wanting, press him to the wall and tear that old coat off him until he becomes breathless.

Instead he just sat on the messy bed in his filthy clothes, staring at the wall somewhere above Castiel’s shoulder where he once repaired it after a bullet hit it.

‘Why won’t you let me close? Why won’t you let me heal you? Why won’t you accept that I have a different path to take? That I can’t be at your side all the time? That I have other duties besides you?’ As he talked, Castiel started to walk towards the hunter. His voice was quiet, calm, but threatening. When Dean slowly raised his head to look the angel in the eye, he already stood so close he almost felt the heat of his body that was making his palms sweat. _I can’t surrender._

‘Bullshit. You come here to heal a small cut, to small talk about Sam, when I haven’t seen you for weeks. Don’t you really ever have a minute to check in? To see if we’re alive?’ His voice is resigned, almost calm.

‘You know very well that I would know immediately if anything happened to you!’ said Castiel outraged.

‘You are babbling again, that’s not the point. The point is that despite the fact that we became friends over the past few years you act like we are distant relatives that only meet at family occasions just because they have to and this fucking hurts me.’ Castiel stayed silent for a few moments before he spoke up.

‘Is it because of that, Dean? What happened when we last met?’

Dean raised his head again, looking straight into Castiel’s bright blue eyes. He felt his mouth drying out.

_‘Cas, what the fuck was that?! Are you insane?’ Dean was panting, leaning on his knees, trying to overcome the adrenaline that was rushing through his veins._

_‘Dean, you would have died if you stay there!’ Castiel was dusting the ashes off his coat._

_'I can deal with a demon alone! It’s fucking annoying how you treat me like a child’ Dean said as he stepped in front of the angel._

_'Because you are childish sometimes’ said Cas, and Dean grabbed his collar._

_'You know what, Cas? I’ve had enough. You better help me next time instead of snapping me out of a fight just because I could die! Haven’t you noticed yet that my life is a constant battle against death?_

_‘I’m afraid of losing you’ slipped out of Castiel’s mouth. Dean froze, his fingers were turning white as he clenched onto the collar. He stared at the angel, who had fear, uncertainty and burning shame in his eyes. A feeling started to grow in the hunter’s stomach which burnt through his spine, arriving in his brain. He suddenly forgot about the two demon bounty hunters he fought against just five minutes before, he forgot his argument with Castiel, and now the only thing he saw was that unfamiliar spark hiding in those ocean blue eyes which attracted him like crazy._

_He didn’t have the time to think about if it’s a good idea. He didn’t even have the time to consider the consequences, to acknowledge the absurdity of it. He had time for nothing because he didn’t give himself. His lips met the angel’s hard, almost painfully, and he didn’t know what he was doing, he did what he wanted there and then._

_He kissed Castiel harshly, not giving him the opportunity to escape. He didn’t realize that the angel isn’t moving, that his own arms are wrapping around him to feel their chests touch. He discovered the beauty of the moment when the angel was kissing him back numbly, when uncertain fingers touched the sensitive skin of his neck for the first time._

_They separated just as suddenly as they connected. They were just staring at each other from a safe distance, neither said anything, they were looking for the certainty in each other’s eyes. Then Castiel disappeared._

Dean later thought a lot about how long did it lasted. It could have been seconds, but he felt like it lasted for long hours. The kiss freed elemental instincts inside of him, beastly desires, he remembered how his mind went blank. He didn’t see anything besides the familiar figure, and he didn’t hear anything besides panting, teeth colliding and fabric friction. And the taste? Inconceivable. Sour yet sweet, and there was a fraction of time when he thought that he doesn’t want to kiss anybody else ever again.

‘Why did you disappear?’ he asked finally.

‘Because I’ve been called’ replied Castiel easily. Of course.

‘Don’t start again! Okay, maybe you’ve been called, but this is no reason for you to abandon me for weeks!’ Dean inhaled deeply and tried to decide if he wants to say what’s on his mind. ‘I was waiting for you.’

‘I know, Dean. I’m sorry. This is… new for me. I don’t know what I should feel, what I should do…’

‘It didn’t seem like you don’t know what to do’ turned his face Dean away. ‘Cas, I beg you to just say if you hated it all. Just say that this is uncomfortable for you, that you don’t want this at all and get back to normal, because this makes me insane.’

‘Don’t you understand Dean? I didn’t hate it, it wasn’t uncomfortable, and… I’m an angel. I shouldn’t have any desire for things like this. I thought it must be because I spend too much time among humans, so I left, hoping it fades…’

‘Did it?’ asked Dean venomously. His anger started to build up again, but he forced himself to look at the angel whose eyes were shining grey instead of blue.

‘I don’t know. When I look at you know, I see the human who needs my help. That day, in the living room… I did not see you this way.’

‘How did you see me then?’ Dean now stood up, perfectly knowing that only inches will separate him from Castiel this way. He knew that he doesn’t control his emotions, his anger will manifest again in something entirely different.

‘I didn’t know what to do Dean. You surprised me. It was really new for me.’ The words came to Castiel so easily like he was a child.

‘And now? Do you know what to do?’ asked Dean while he took a small feather out of the raven black hair.

‘Dean…’

‘I told you not to repeat my name.’ Dean leaned forward just to find the angel’s lips with his own immediately. This time he was careful, although his heart tried to escape through his chest. He didn’t want to scare Castiel, he left time and space for him.

This time he also had the opportunity to realize the situation. His senses sharpened, he felt his stubble sliding across the other’s skin, he felt the soft connection of their lips and he felt the waving movements of a stiff, manly body just like his.

He didn’t mind. He felt like arriving at the destination after a long trip. Everything was okay, the thick, black hairs under his right fingers, the heart beating fast under his left palm, even Castiel’s hesitantly moving hands were okay around his neck.

The seconds were passing, the kiss deepened and Dean pulled the angel closer to himself by the waist, then took the coat off him with an intentionally soft, yet instinctive movement.

The other’s body was warm under the shirt, his heart was beating fast, and quiet moans left his throat landing in Dean’s mouth who knew well that he won’t be able to hold himself back any longer. He pulled the angel closer to himself more and more wanting, whose hands were more bravely touching the hunter’s back. Then the fingers found the wound with freshly dried blood on it. Castiel put his warm palm over it, and Dean felt the wound and the pain with it disappear.

He leaned back, rested their foreheads together, and just watched their simultaneously rising chests.

‘Cas…’

‘Do not repeat my name, Dean’ said Castiel, a smile hiding in his voice. ‘I have to go.’

‘Don’t do this, Cas’ straightened up Dean as he looked out the window, because he wasn’t able to look into the other’s eyes again. He feared what he would find there.

‘I’m being called, Dean, I have to go’ Castiel put on his coat, then turned back. ‘I promise to come back as soon as I can.’

‘Don’t make a promise you can’t keep. I don’t understand you, I really don’t. I don’t want to push you away, I don’t want to lose this friendship. I’m begging you to talk about this sometime…’ Castiel now stood next to Dean and hesitantly touched two of his fingers. Dean raised his head to look at the angel, who carefully touched his face to the hunter’s, then disappeared.

Dean threw himself on the bed, shut his eyes close and searched for the answer in his head to a question he didn’t even dare to ask himself. On the border of dream and wakefulness a thought made its way into his brain that he will wait for Castiel to come back. And if they only make a small step like today every time they meet, he will always wait for the next time and let the angel set the pace. He couldn’t think about the man-thing yet, he couldn’t think about this messed up relationship, he only knew that he will wait, because he has to, because this is his only possibility not to go insane in the war against death.

That night, in his dream, he was swimming in an ocean blue lake.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo i hope you liked this! English is not my native language so there may be some clues regarding this. These two dorks are my absolute favorite by the way


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